


Pen Pals

by Broba



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Kink Meme, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, Online Romance, Other, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinkmeme prompt! I know I have a bunch to be working on but I couldn't resist this one real quick.</p><p>"Equius encounters John online, mistakes him for a fellow member of troll nobility, and strikes up a conversation with him. John, being the prankster that he is, decides it would be funny to play along.</p><p>Things get awkward when they...actually kinda become friends. Oops. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pen Pals

The Egbert household echoed to the sound of thundering shoes as John slammed the door and ran upstairs to his room. His father popped a head out of the kitchen and called out to him.  
“Ah, son! Son! We don't run around in our outside shoes!”  
“Sor-ry!” A pair of shoes was tossed through the air and landed in a heap next to the door.  
Mr. Egbert clucked his tongue and muttered to himself as he ambled over to picked them up and put them neatly in place next to his own line of severe black slingbacks. Normally he got home from the office long after John was home from school, but ever since John had joined the A\V club he had been coming home later. It was a subtle change, but it had altered their carefully laid routines immensely. For one thing, Mr. Egbert now got to see first hand what a slob his son was when he charged into the house every day.  
  
“John,” he called out.  
There was a muffled grunt from upstairs.  
“John!”  
This time, he distinctly heard “bluh!”  
  
John appeared at the top of the stairs, looking down at him quizzically.  
“Aren't you going to at least say hello when you come home, John?”  
“Oh sure, hi dad-”  
“Ho-o-old it!” John had been about to bolt, and froze on the spot, “how was your day?”  
“Oh you know, it was fine.”  
“You were at your little club?”  
“The Audio\Visual Society, yeah.”  
“So? How was it?”  
“I dunno! Fine?”  
“Did you watch anything good?”  
“Oh yeah, we're voting on the subject for our next season. I'm putting up a Nic Cage retrospective, it's sweet, but I don't think I'll get the votes.”  
“That sounds great!” In fact, he was just relieved that John was actually talking to him. “What are the other options?”  
“Blurgh. Any time anyone tries to come up with any ideas, this troll kid just starts yelling. He wants us to watch a bunch of weird troll romance movies or something.”  
“Well son, one of the reasons for these societies is to help foster relationships with new people, and that sometimes means looking at things from another viewpoint.”  
“Oh dad, you don't understand, this guy- he's crazy!”  
Mr. Egbert just smiled, “I think I know what it's like when someone is crazy about the movies they like.”  
“Yeah... well, can I...?” John pointed in the direction of his room. His father just sighed and nodded, and John scampered off.  
  
To a child, every year seems much like the last, on one long unbroken procession, but from his perspective as a father, Mr. Egbert was watching his son develop and change more quickly then he had ever thought possible. This year, for the first time, he was starting to feel like his son really was a different person to him. Fourteen was a tricky age, of course. Too young to really feel mature, but too old to be considered really a child. Ah, he thought, to be young. He wanted to support his son and see him develop into a fine young man of course, but there was a guilty part of him that wanted his baby boy back, the John who would sit on his lap and chatter at him for hours, just happy to be in his father's company.  
  
John slid back into his room and back onto his laptop, hammering at the keys rapidly. He shook his head and muttered under his breath as he tried to get his head back in the game. His dad meant well, he knew, but the guy sure could be distracting.  
  
EB: hi there!  
 **CT: D -- > Hello**  
EB: sorry about that, just dealing with some nonsense  
 **CT: D -- > Nothing too distracting I hope**  
EB: eh, what can i say? it's hard to find good staff around here!  
 **CT: D -- > I know e%actly what you mean, it is very difficult to find good staff. It is very difficult to find good staff and no-one understands**  
  
John chuckled softly. He had only meant it as a joke, but as ever his new friend took even the lightest bit of humour and ran it into the ground like a dedicated prankster. John had never met anyone before with such an incredibly dry sense of humour. They had bumped into one another in a chat room and just sort of hit it off, really.  
  
EB: anyways, i have a perfect movie retrospective all lined up, but this shouty guy is going to ruin the whole thing i just know it.  
EB: i mean come on, no one knows more about movies then me. really, everyone should just bow down and worship, it is not even an opinion it's just scientific fact  
 **CT: D -- > Do not allow the lesser orders to consume your thoughts**  
 **CT: D -- > This person who is ve%ing you so**  
 **CT: D -- > You should**  
 **CT: D -- > Assert your dominance**  
  
John blinked, that was an odd way of wording it. He could just tell he was in for a pranking though, this was clearly the set-up to some kind of deliciously weird punchline. Well there was no way that he, John, prankster supreme, was going to be out-done.  
  
EB: yeah you know what maybe you're right, after all i am basically the king.  
EB: i just dominate the shit out of this whole area of expertise.  
 **CT: D -- > E%cuse me a moment, I need to fetch something**  
 **CT: D -- > I will “Be Right Back”**  
 **CT: D -- > During which time, I shall be “Away From Key Board”**  
EB: how come you're so classy all the time anyway?  
EB: it's pretty awesome i guess.  
 **CT: D -- > It is necessary to maintain the correct DIGNITY The lower classes 100k up to people like us for an e%ample**  
 **CT: D -- > I hope I am not being e%quisitely presumptuous, but it seems obvious to me that you are towards the upper end of the hemospectrum like I**  
EB: uh,  
EB: one sec, now i will brb.  
 **CT: D -- > That acronym, it is so**  
 **CT: D -- > Abbreviative**  
  
He went straight to Google. The term was one that he had heard mentioned some time in school, he had a vague feeling that it was during that dumbass Social Integration class they had to take, where there was half a room of trolls and half a room full of normal kids, and they were expected to get to know each other or something like that? He brought up a search box and tapped in “hemospectrum,” and what he saw made his eyebrows nearly spin straight off of his head. He was talking to an actual troll! That felt so weird. Possibly it explained all the weird spelling errors, too. Despite being in a mixed integration school, John had never actually socialised with trolls before. They mostly just kept to themselves in their weird little clusters, always bouncing off one another and declaring war loudly. The normal kids generally gave them a wide berth which was, in his opinion, for the best. Having said that, it was kind of interesting to be talking to someone who was an actual non-human-person. John sat up with a start as he realised- his friend thought he was a troll too, and apparently had a good idea what his blood was, or something. John skimmed the wiki page on the hemospectrum, and immediately decided it was far too long and that he would in fact not read. He rubbed his hands together gleefully, as an enormous pranking opportunity presented itself.  
  
EB: well hows this- what do you think i am on the hemospectrum?  
 **CT: D -- > You invite me to guess your b100d hue**  
EB: sure! just for fun!  
 **CT: D -- > Well, you seem kind of**  
 **CT: D -- > B100**  
EB: you got it! i'm that one, you're a very clever guesser!  
 **CT: D -- > I like to think I am an e%cellent judge of character**  
EB: you so are.  
 **CT: D -- > Yes**  
EB: yes.  
 **CT: D -- > YES**  
EB: yes!  
  
John had literally no idea what that meant, but it seemed like the right answer. He gave himself high-fives in congratulations. He immediately pulled out his school textbook on human-troll relations, which heretofore he had not given a second glance, and decided after taking a look at the chapter headings that he was going to need a lot more Google.  
  
John eventually excused himself, because his dad was yelling something about whatever time it was. He nearly jumped when he saw it was after midnight- of course, trolls were nocturnal so it generally wasn't so big a deal for them.  
  
EB: oh hey so i need to go.  
 **CD: That is a shame**  
EB: yes.  
 **CT: D -- > Yes**  
EB: yes!  
 **CT: D -- > YES**  
 **CT: D -- > I hope that I have not kept you from some STRONG commitment or duty**  
EB: oh it's fine, my lusus is yelling at me, i got to go.  
 **CT: D -- > I understand how it is I too must deal with no end of nonsense on my part I e%pect this is what comes of having a whimsical centaur creature for a lusus**  
EB: yeah well mine is a big old butt faced butt.  
 **CT: D -- > That sounds very e%clusive**  
EB: what can i say, i'm pretty much the best.  
 **CT: D -- > Yes, you somewhat are**  
EB: yes.  
 **CT: D -- > Yes**  
  
John felt absurdly proud of himself. He had looked up the term “Lusus,” and he was almost certain that was what the equivalent of his dad was. Oddly enough, he had begun the conversation looking to pull a brilliant prank on a vague acquaintance, but he had come to quite like the guy. Maybe he was a troll, but he was funny and interesting to talk to. All the time he had spent looking up crazy troll words for things had been more interesting then he had expected, too. It was actually kind of fun. John grinned and leaned back in his chair.  
“John!” His father called up the stairs, “bed, mister! And I mean now!”  
“Fi-i-ine!”  
  
John sighed and turned off his laptop. Trolls never had to deal with this sort of thing. When he was speaking to his new friend CT, he got the distinct impression of someone who knew exactly how they wanted things to be and wasn't going to take any crap about it from anyone. As John got changed into his jammies he pondered this in detail. CT wouldn't let some crazy little shouty guy tell him what movies the A\V club ought to be watching. He would just announce what was going to happen, and damn well expect everyone to keep up! John smiled and snuggled into bed. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't stop grinning, and he had forgotten all about the idea of playing a prank. Hell, why couldn't he be a troll too? After all, it's not like it made any difference when it was all online anyway.  
  
Across town in a larger, more stern looking building that was just typical of the Troll Quarter, a light went out in a high window as a husktop was deactivated for the night. Equius stretched out in his chair, with a warning creak of metal piping and welds under strain. He actually felt good, for once. Ever since agreeing to come to this planet he had felt an acutely claustrophobic sense of being surrounded by the alien and unacceptable, and for the first time in a long time he felt like he had made contact with someone normal.  
  
He pondered the events of the evening carefully, one at a time, as was his habit. He liked to be sure of things before he made his decisions.  
“Nepeta!” He called out sharply, “Nepeta! Come here, I need you!”  
There was a grumpy muffled meowing from an adjoining room, before the heavy portal was swung aside to reveal his moirail.  
“What is it? It's too early to be having nightmares already.”  
“Nothing like that, Nepeta. I just wanted you to be aware- that I am happy.”  
She regarded him carefully. He was leant back in his chair and grinning at her lopsidedly. His habit of strongly announcing his emotional state made her job easier sometimes.  
“Awwr, I am glad!” She bounced over and patted him on the shoulder, “what's got you in a good mood.”  
“I have been speaking to another blue-blood, I have made a new acquaintance,” he announced proudly.  
“Ah-h-h-h this again? Don't you have better things to think about?”  
“I know this is not a matter of great importance to you, Nepeta, however I find it,” he paused, rolling to word around in his mouth, “gratifying. Try to consider my position, I am alone here among our people. There are so few even above the level of teals. An actual blue blood!”  
“Ah, are you getting your hopes up again? I mean, have you actually met them?”  
“No- I mean, I can tell. It is a matter of breeding, someone of my station can tell a cultured and well-bred person immediately.”  
“Well,” she sighed non-committally, “I'm happy if you're happy.”  
“I am happy.”  
“Good. Now you should get some rest, you have to be up for work in the morning.”  
“I do not like working the morning shift, it is un-natural.”  
“Think about your position! How would the office manage without your guidance?”  
“You are quite right, even if you are attempting to be facetious.”  
  
Equius smiled and got up off his chair with a grunt, loosening the ridiculous Earth-tie he was expected to wear in the office. His moirail was correct, of course, it would be unseemly for him of all people not to show up bright and early at the offices of Egbert & Zahhak.

 

 


End file.
